A Forever Family

2005-04-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

The kids on Easter.

2005-04-02T09:06:00.000-08:00

Easter comes.

On What is Real

2005-02-09T11:32:00.000-08:00

We have been back home now for 11 days, and we’re settling into the changes in our lives as well as we can. Johanna is getting ready for school, with shots (which she loves desperately), new clothes (which she likes a bit more), and with appointments at the school where Joie is learning about the local ESL immersion program. It looks like she’ll start her classes tomorrow.

The first 11 days have come and gone with the expected ups and downs. On the plus side, there have not been too many tears, though we can tell Kelly Johanna misses her foster family and her friends terribly. On the down side, we're all frustrated by our inability to communicate. (Again: Why didn't I learn more Spanish?) Being the most adventurous in the family (or the most willing to sound like an idiot) I've been building my vocabulary by one or two new words a day. But anything beyond the simplest of utterances requires a lot of time and patience on her part, because my pronunciation stinks.

Many people have asked for more pictures, so here are links to two sites where you can view slideshows of the pictures used in this blog, as well as many new ones. I tried to keep from replicating the pictures in these two shows, but may not have been all that successful…

Slideshow One …and… Slideshow Two . If you follow these links you’ll see aerial shots of greenhouses sheltering tropical flowers, more Florencia street scenes, and familiar faces from the previous posts.

I chose the title for this post because I have been thinking a great deal about the question of “What is really real?” Struggling to get back into “work mode” after months of planning and wondering and doubting, and after two weeks of travel, I find myself reflecting a lot on this question.

I know that family is real. I know that my family, in either its new configuration or its old one, is a real and significant as anything on earth. I know that when Georgia wakes up whiny and cranky because her mom’s out exercising, and when she says “I want my Braden” and I slide her under his covers so she can snuggle up with her brother… I know that’s about as “real” a thing as I will ever encounter. I know that my new daughter’s laugh is real, and I know that my hopes for her to pass through this strangeness strong and confidant are real.

Friends are real. Clare and Ronan, the brave Brooklyn adopters of three brave and beautiful children, they’re pretty real. Carlos and Sylvia, Oscar the lawyer, and the ladies at ICBF in Florencia… they’re all very real, and I miss them because they’re so far away. Reed and Erin, Scott and Janet, Ruth, Michele, Rick and Karen, Philip and Angela, Rod and Janel…all our friends here at home who supported us through prayer and hope, these friendships are as real as any I’ve ever known.

The daytime manager at the Caqueta Real and his deaf-mute cleaning lady… the scowling friendly nighttime manager… Claudia, Willman, Patricia… Lucia and Andreas…

I think my point is that all the things we clutter our lives with, all the things that occupy our minds and niggle at our doubts and worries, pale in comparison to the people who so graciously join us on this journey. A very wise friend told me recently, “You get a few gifts in your life, in your talents and the people that surround you. What you do with these gifts is up to you.” How true, Mason. How true.

People are real, and our experiences with them are things to be treasured. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to close this journal, even though we’re home. I don’t want to close the door on the people that populate these pages.

2005-02-01T08:56:00.000-08:00

A reminder of Colombia, now on her desk at her new home

2005-02-01T08:52:00.001-08:00

This morning, in Oregon

2005-02-01T08:52:00.000-08:00

The day after coming home... sleepy kids

2005-02-01T08:51:00.001-08:00

At home in Oregon, looking at our photo albums... this is her history now, too.

2005-02-01T08:51:00.000-08:00

Kelly and Danivis

2005-02-01T08:50:00.001-08:00

Jefferson O'Sullivan, who is in Brooklyn now

2005-02-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

Clare (whose name is repeatedly mispelled herein as "Claire"-- my apologies!)

2005-02-01T08:49:00.001-08:00

Georgia and Daddy

2005-02-01T08:49:00.000-08:00

Ronan the camerman/director

2005-02-01T08:48:00.001-08:00

Danivis, Sophie, Darwin, and Kelly

2005-02-01T08:48:00.000-08:00

Three of us

Last Day in Colombia: Part Two

2005-01-27T20:17:00.000-08:00

In a few hours we’re heading home. Our adventure as a family of five awaits.

But first: Tonight was Zuetana’s fourth anniversary. Four years of caring for families that are adopting from Colombia, with a guest list that includes citizens from dozens of countries. Four years of being the first home many new families share.

There was cake and wine (and Sprite for the kids) and a Colombian folk music trio that was absolutely amazing. Willmen and Claudia spoke about their dreams of helping families come together, and the trio played a special southern Colombian song in honor of Johanna.

Lots of people have asked us, “Why adopt from Colombia?” Instead of any answer I have given in the past, I wish they could have been here tonight. We are adopting a daughter, but we are adopting a country too.

Kelly Johanna was amped up excited after the party, and wanted to watch TV. Joie wanted us all to get to bed early, because we leave here at 6:00 AM, and so she said “No.” As result, Kelly climbed into the top of the bunk bed, and for the first time since we met her she’s not sleeping with her new Mom. I tell myself that this is just another step.

Even though we’re headed home, please check in one more time. We have many people from Colombia to thank, and I want Joie’s help in publishing that message.

Goodnight from Bogota.

2005-01-27T20:10:00.000-08:00

This is why we came here

2005-01-27T20:05:00.000-08:00

Colombian, US, and French flags, in honor of the adoptive familes present at the party

2005-01-27T20:04:00.001-08:00

Three Colombian kids, on their way to America

2005-01-27T20:04:00.000-08:00

Captain Colombia

2005-01-27T19:52:00.000-08:00

Kelly and Dani

2005-01-27T19:51:00.002-08:00

Kelly and Dani dance

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Georgia wants it NOW

2005-01-27T19:51:00.000-08:00

Braden helps serve cake

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Our camera buff

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And then they lit them again, and let the kids blow them out

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Blowing out the 4-year candles for Zuetana

2005-01-27T19:49:00.000-08:00

Darwin O'Sullivan, headed for New York and the unknown tomorrow

2005-01-27T19:48:00.000-08:00

Georgia clapping

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I have some of this on audio, too

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Amped-up kid

2005-01-27T19:46:00.001-08:00

Girls being girls: Sophie, Kelly, Danivis, Claire

2005-01-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

More Bogota flowers!

2005-01-27T19:45:00.001-08:00

Colombian musicians--WOW

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Claudia's speech

2005-01-27T19:44:00.001-08:00

Claudia and Willmen, Zuetana's managers

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Helping decorate

2005-01-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

Listening to music

2005-01-27T19:42:00.000-08:00

KJ dancing

Last Day in Colombia: Part One

2005-01-27T19:26:00.000-08:00

Finally, Montserrate today. And it was worth the wait. It is a restored 17th-century abbey and chapel that overlooks all of Bogota from its perch in the eastern mountains.

Kelly Johanna is on edge, teetering between loving joviality and moodiness. Of course, she knows that every step she’s taken until now had been a small step—tomorrow she flies off with a still-strange American family that doesn’t speak her language, forever. It hardly seems sensible.

Her mood has made me think that Colombia is a land of beautiful contrasts. Maybe these are best characterized by the contrasts in the two cities in which we’ve spent the last two weeks, Florencia and Bogota. Florencia is vibrant and yet a little desperate, hot and muggy and full of hopeful people. Bogota’s contrasts can be seen in the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen and the most inventive use of barbed wire I’ve ever seen. Bogota feels a little like a siege city, with barbed wire and glass atop almost every gate and fence, and yet it’s also brimming with outgoing, caring people and flowers in every possible color and hue.

I could go on for a fair bit about the contrasts I see in Colombia, but that’s not what this journal is about. It’s about a twelve-year-old girl who until last week was Kelly Johanna Sapuy, but who is now Kelly Johanna Thelander. It’s about a girl doing something that seems incomprehensively brave to me, venturing into the great unknown without much of a safety net. If she knew how occasionally dysfunctional we can be as parents she would probably run screaming.

We heard a distressing story today about another 12-year-old girl who was set to be adopted. Her new American parents flew down here to pick her up, but after one week changed their minds. Amid much tears and anguish, the entire process was called off, and this 12-year-old girl remains an orphan. I’m in no position to judge her parents or guess at their motives. Our hearts break, though, for this girl. Lucia asked us yesterday if we had room for another, and we had to say no. Kelly Johanna doesn’t know anything about this story, and I’m not going to tell her. But it makes me wish I could communicate enough to say to her, We love you already, and you’re stuck with us. We promise to look after you, and to never leave you behind.

Montserrate was fun today, because it gave us all a chance to look out over the plateau that supports these 8 million people and see how far we’ve come in the last two weeks.

2005-01-27T15:37:00.000-08:00

Our girls: Johanna and Gorgia

2005-01-27T15:36:00.001-08:00

Lantern at Montserrate

2005-01-27T15:36:00.000-08:00

Georgia LOVES baby Olivia

2005-01-27T15:35:00.000-08:00

Zuetana front door

2005-01-27T15:34:00.001-08:00

Georgia says "Daddy's BAAAACK!"

2005-01-27T15:34:00.000-08:00

Some of the staff at Zuetana

2005-01-27T15:33:00.001-08:00

Zombie boy

2005-01-27T15:33:00.000-08:00

The Stitch tongue

2005-01-27T15:32:00.001-08:00

"Remind me again... what was I thinking?"

2005-01-27T15:32:00.000-08:00

Getting stir crazy, making funny faces

2005-01-27T15:31:00.001-08:00

OH NO, GEORGIA's HEAD IS STUCK

2005-01-27T15:31:00.000-08:00

Downtown Bogota, on the way down

2005-01-27T15:30:00.001-08:00

Bogota is HUGE from here

2005-01-27T15:30:00.000-08:00

Steeple 2: another future Joie painting

2005-01-27T15:29:00.002-08:00

The new steeple

2005-01-27T15:29:00.001-08:00

The old bell tower

2005-01-27T15:29:00.000-08:00

An arch for Joie to paint

2005-01-27T15:28:00.001-08:00

Flowers at Montserrate

2005-01-27T15:28:00.000-08:00

Fourth station of the cross at Montserrate

2005-01-27T04:57:00.001-08:00

Action shot: mom packing

2005-01-27T04:57:00.000-08:00

Dining room...we spend a lot of time here

2005-01-27T04:56:00.001-08:00

Sleepy Georgia

2005-01-27T04:56:00.000-08:00

Jefferson and Darwin discover the Gameboy

2005-01-27T04:55:00.001-08:00

There's a Kelly Johanna in there

2005-01-27T04:55:00.000-08:00

In the garden of our casa

2005-01-27T04:54:00.001-08:00

More flowers

2005-01-27T04:54:00.000-08:00

Bogota rose...in January?

2005-01-27T04:53:00.000-08:00

Danivis making a funny face

Tuesday From Bogota

2005-01-25T21:32:00.000-08:00

Hola all. It is Tuesday, and after a multi-hour visit to the US Embassy in Bogota we are one step closer to a visa for Kelly Johanna. In fact, we have been told that I can go pick it up tomorrow at 4:00. This follows the appointments of yesterday: getting her photos, her Colombian passport, the doctor’s visit… don’t tell her, but she needs ALL NEW shots in the US. Poor kid.

You can feel the excitement and newness, and even our pleasure at being back at the homey Zuetana bed and breakfast, gradually giving way to a desire to be home.

If we have anything neat to report today it’s a wonderful, quiet, personal series of communications that we had last night with Kelly Johanna. We were lying on the bed, and she opened up the computer and started up the translation program. In late November or early December Joie had sent her our package, and in it was a small notebook. She had her friends and family sign it, and it’s now full of greetings, fond wishes, hopes, and girlish squirls and squiggles in many colors. She opened it to a page in front and entered in the Spanish that was written by her friend Francy, her “amiga mejor” or best friend. Then she hit the translate button and turned the computer around so Joie and I could see.

It was a very touching, very sentimental message from one best friend to another, and Joie and I were thrilled that she confided in us that way. Then she did the same thing with the message from her foster mother, Senora Ramos, and offered us the translation to read. It too was incredibly sensitive and touching. I showed her how to save these two “translated” documents, and she has them on her folder on this computer.

Another thing of note: she doesn’t like to speak English. Mainly, I think, because of her own self-consciousness. I bought her two Juanes CDs yesterday at the mall, and after some prompting she said “Thank you very much” in the loveliest of Latin accents. (I like this guy.) Today, when she walked into the family room here at Zuetana and I said “Hola” she said “Hello.” Then, when Joie handed her something to give to me she said “Here, Papi.” I tried not to look too proud.

She is getting more confident though, and even as I type this Joie is going through our pictures and making her recite the names of our family and friends… but you can tell she’d rather be listening to Juanes.

Bogota is a city of great contrasts. There are flowers everywhere, of every shape and size. On the other hand, much of the city looks like a subtropical war zone with graffiti, barbed wire, and dilapidated buildings. The hotel we are staying in is in north Bogota, with nice condos and parks, and the embassy is in south Bogota, where it springs up out of a landscape reminiscent of East LA. The people, though, are universally wonderful.

Joie here: As I try to write this, my youngest daughter is jumping me, my oldest is either pouting or resting and Braden is doing something that of course, is emitting NOISE. Isn’t this what life is all about??? As comfortable as it is here, and as friendly as the staff, I am ready for home.

Looking forward to my own bed, own bathroom and kitchen. I even miss the cats and Sammy!
I understand the wind is making it rather chilly, which I do not miss…… = D

It is nice to have families here that we can share experiences with…..of the 5 families here, one is “on vacation” for a week while they await court dates (they are from MN and have baby Anna), there is another family from France (also with a baby) who we don’t see very often but I think they are here for a while longer, one family from NY is gone home, and the families remaining are ourselves and the O’Sullivans from NY with their 3 (Jefferson, Danivis and Darwin). We have enjoyed the company of Ronan and Claire O’Sullivan, as they have older kids and our combined 6 make quite a lot of noise!!! They are a day behind us, as they have their appointment at the Embassy tomorrow and a flight out Friday night. They are wonderful people and we look forward to continuing our friendship after we return home.

I hope all is well for all of you at home and we look forward to introducing you to our new daughter!

Michael again: As we get closer to our homecoming we think more and more of the real work ahead. Our new daughter is headstrong and bright, and Braden is still not sure of how to react to the realigned family. Georgia is an increasingly large pill… What have we gotten ourselves into? I remember telling Becky at CHI during our home study that I had no idea what we would be like as a family of five, only that it would be indescribably hard at the same time that it would be incredibly rewarding. Those words seem sort of prescient now.

Love to all of you. Hopefully our next post will describe our experiences at Montserrate.

2005-01-25T13:49:00.000-08:00

KJ and Danivis singing Juanes

2005-01-25T12:56:00.000-08:00

The atrium in our hotel

2005-01-25T12:54:00.000-08:00

The contrast to Bogota's flowers: lots of barbed wire, glass cemented into the tops of the walls

2005-01-25T12:52:00.001-08:00

Bogota flowers 4

2005-01-25T12:52:00.000-08:00

Bogota flowers with some wierd lawn ornaments in front of them

2005-01-25T12:51:00.000-08:00

I bought them ice cream in the park--even though they didn't finish their lunch. Bad Dad.

2005-01-25T12:50:00.001-08:00

Bogota flowers 3

2005-01-25T12:50:00.000-08:00

Bogota flowers 2

2005-01-25T12:49:00.001-08:00

Bogota flowers

2005-01-25T12:49:00.000-08:00

Our No 1 Son

2005-01-25T12:48:00.000-08:00

Darwin, new son of Ronan and Claire

2005-01-25T12:47:00.000-08:00

Listening to Juanes (I have also captured her singing on audio, for later blackmail)

2005-01-25T12:46:00.000-08:00

Georgia watching Home on the Range

2005-01-25T12:45:00.000-08:00

The girls atop the bunkbed

2005-01-25T12:44:00.000-08:00

Georgia's dirty feet... we had to share this with you

2005-01-25T12:43:00.000-08:00

The thunderstorm that caught us last night--BIG RAIN

2005-01-25T12:42:00.001-08:00

A blue gate

2005-01-25T12:42:00.000-08:00

Bogota flowers

Post-breakfast, Monday morning in Bogota

2005-01-24T07:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a great, hanging-out sort of “family day,” in the midst of which I got us lost in a strange city, we visited a great cathedral, played card games, and watched one of Braden’s movies (Scooby-Doo 2) on Zuetana’s projector with the other families. We also ran into our first real snag…

Getting lost: We took a cab to a local mall to buy some warm clothes for Kelly Johanna, who is freezing even in Bogota’s 70-degree weather. It was a very USA-styled mall, and Kelly looked a little amazed by it all. But I forgot to bring the hotel’s address with me, so the return cab ride was an experience in mutual frustration as I tried to give directions to the elderly cabby in non-existent Spanish. I felt we were getting further and further away from the hotel so I finally said “Pare! Pare!” and we got out. We found a phone in a market by using the translator’s “Yo creo estamos perdida” (I think we are lost), called our contact at ICBF, got the address for Zuetana, and hailed another cabbie. Only a few moments of panic and a happy ending.

After a quick lunch we went to the Salt Cathedral at Zipaquira. It’s about an hour north of Bogota, and the countryside reminds me of both the Italian countryside (which I’ve never seen) and parts of northern California. The site is an old (and currently running) salt mine that Colombia decided to turn into a natural cathedral. It is sanctified, and includes the fourteen station of the cross cut into the rock walls. There are pictures below, though many didn’t turn out well…

The best part about the day was just getting out, hanging out as a family, and learning more about KJ and ourselves. She’s a camera bug, and took HUNDREDS of pictures in the cathedral, running ahead of the tour group with Braden to get the best vantage point for each shot. The weather was mild and sunny (in other words, Kelly Johanna was freezing) and we went with our friends form New York, Claire and Ronan, and their three new kids. Except for having to carry Georgia through a one-hour tour on uneven rock floors and up and down stairs, it was awesome. On the ride home all our kids fell asleep: Georgia in my lap, Braden beside me, and KJ leaning on Joie.

Back at Zuetana we played cards (Snap, Memory) with Ronan and his kids. We ate dinner in the dining room. KJ does not like cooked vegetables, and refuses to eat many of them. She poked at her broccoli and asked “Que es?” When she tasted it I thought she was going to spit it out!

The snag: Lucia called to say that the copy of Kelly’s birth certificate we delivered from Florencia was missing a number. Without the certificate we can’t get the doctor’s appointment, with the Dr’s signoff there is no US passport. She was to put in a call to the our Florencian lawyer Oscar to get the right form sent, but I haven’t yet told her that he may be hard to reach: his father died Friday night (the night we had our farewell dinner in Florencia) and he may be making arrangements. I’m not too concerned, but we now have a free day with no appointments in sight.

Joie here: Tim, thanks for printing this off for Mom. Hopefully she’s getting better! You can email us at michael@thelander.net if there is anything we need to know! Woke up this morning with a sore throat and I am afraid I have the beginnings of a cold……….yuck! Going to make another venture back to the mall in search of some cold medicine! This time, we will have an address to return to!

It’s great to be somewhere where we can communicate with our family and friends ~ thank you all for your good thoughts!

Michael Again: We’re signing off for now. Everyone take care, and we can’t wait to see you again. Our next day trip (hopefully) is to the abbey at Montserrate overlooking Bogota, and we’ll send pictures soon.

2005-01-24T06:52:00.001-08:00

Zipaquira countryside

2005-01-24T06:52:00.000-08:00

Zipaquira

2005-01-24T06:51:00.001-08:00

More countryside

2005-01-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

There are some nice houses north of Bogota

2005-01-24T06:49:00.000-08:00

Big / Little brother

2005-01-24T06:48:00.001-08:00

Danivis, Ronan's daughter

2005-01-24T06:48:00.000-08:00

Me and my first girl

2005-01-24T06:47:00.001-08:00

Salt miner

2005-01-24T06:47:00.000-08:00

Georgia and her big sister

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Me, getting ready to post these pictures

2005-01-24T06:46:00.000-08:00

This morning at Zuetana

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On the way home

2005-01-24T06:45:00.000-08:00

Christ descending from the cross